Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wow! This forum is getting to be so big. I am having a hard time keeping up. I am trying to find a group to fit in with but haven't yet. So many people knew each other on the "other" forum. I was only there for about a month so the only people I knew were the ones on the 2 small challenges I started. It's hard for me to meet people in every day life, too. But it is something I am working on daily. :)

There is a post titled "Being Obese & Putting Life on Hold" - what a great topic. It's really had me thinking. So much so that I couldn't begin to put it all down on paper (online or otherwise!)
I put my life on hold years ago . . . . . probably about 32 years roughly. That is when food became my best friend. That is when I first remember using food to numb my feelings. I remember eating entire bags of Doritoes and drinking pepsi after pepsi. At least until I was introduced to alcohol. Then alcohol became my friend. :blink:

We moved so much when I was growing up . . . . 26 school changes in 12 years. Sometimes we went back to schools we had attended previously. I remember being a really positive person. I still am . . . . but for a long time I hid that side of me! I always try to see the good in everyone, everything, every situation. I was always a pretty caring person, too. But once we started moving it got harder. Harder to start over somewhere new, harder to be the new kid, harder to get close to anyone because sooner or later we would be moving again.

Food was my best friend from 13-16; alcohol was my best friend from 16-30. And then food was kind enough to take me back after I'd deserted it years earlier. After drinking for 14+ years life changed. And I didn't know how to handle it without alcohol. Food became my drug of choice . . . specifically fast food, comfort food, etc.

Finally, I decided enough was enough. Of course this took 3-4 years to really come to this realization. I started therapy 3 years ago. Now I am working on living a life that is healthy and free of alcohol AND processed carbs.
It is getting better each day. I still have a long way to go weight wise and living wise. For so many years it was so much easier to be an alcoholic or a fat person because no one expected anything from you. I started therapy so that I could learn why I would lose 20 lbs and then stop over and over again. Finally I am making progress!

I am now in a position in life where I have to quit hiding. We own 2 businesses - one that was existing and then mine which I opened from the ground floor. For almost 3 years my therapist has been trying to talk me into going back to college and finishing my bachelor's and getting my master in counseling. :huh: He says because I left a physically and mentally abusive relationship and successfully overcame drug abuse and alcohol addiction along with my empathy and intelligence I would be a great therapist. :o :huh: He said even more so now that I have started on this journey to weight loss and health. He see so much more in me than I do . . . . but I am working on it. :)

It is something I would really like to do . . . . . . but I have to take it slowly. If not I will be overcome with self doubt . . . . . . and that is what led to the carb and alcohol addictions in the first place! For the last 2 years I have applied for admission to college and for the last 2 years I didn't go. I have applied again to start in January. But I keep thinking of reasons that I shouldn't go. Dumb reasons, yes. Each day that passes I tell myself I can do this. I will do this. I will lose weight and reach my goal. I will go back to college and get my bachelor's degree and possibly even my master's degree. Heck I may even be a therapist in the future. I can do this. I will do this.

1 comment:

regandy said...

It's never too late to start something... or finish something either! hahaha Congrats on kickin' the habits. I keep telling myself everyday "Success is never quitting". Look forward to maybe meeting you on the cruise.